There are a lot of parenting books out there, and not all of them have good advice. Like Goldilocks–some are too cold, some are too hot. Here are seven, that I think are just right (mostly) and filled with information any parent will benefit from. These are books that have stuck with me over time.

Simplicity Parenting

In today’s world, it’s so easy to feel that we need to give our children everything. Every benefit, every opportunity, every toy, and every activity. I needed this book as a young mother because trying to do this was driving me crazy. When I didn’t try to do it, I felt guilty.

All those things we are giving our children are really just making everyone miserable though. Really! Everyone! The overscheduling. The clutter. The zero downtime. Okay, well, at least they were for me. In Simplicity Parenting the authors refer to a research study that indicates the stress and strain of stuff and activities is resulting in PTSD for some children. That is disconcerting stuff!

Simplicity Parenting doesn’t just relieve you of the guilt you are likely to feel as you push back on cultural pressures. It provides a comprehensive overview of why giving your children a simple life, with fewer things and fewer activities actually has great benefits. This is a book I wish I would have read before I got into some unhealthy patterns of excess. But, once I read it, I was able to cut back in areas that were necessary. But to be truthful, it continues to be a constant struggle and I would probably benefit from a reread.

There is great value in downtime, in quiet family dinners, and in not feeling rushed every second after school ends, or scheduled every minute of the summer. The rush and pressure to be the best and succeed in as much as possible rob parenting and childhood of the joy that should be there. Many of our happiest times as a family have been when there was not much to do.

Following the advice in this book will allow you to reclaim your family’s joy, reassess your values, and give you the time, energy, and space to focus on the things that really matter with your children. I’ve read this. It’s a concept often on my mind. I still wish I did it better!

You can find it here and in all the normal places, or for free through your library with Hoopla.

The Conscious Parent

I’ll be honest, I didn’t actually get a lot of parenting advice, per say from The Conscious Parent. However, it is possibly one of the best self-improvement books I’ve read. In fact, I didn’t really care much for the part on parenting.

What I did absolutely love, was the focus on acceptance.

We get so incredibly caught up in how we think life should have been, or perhaps we thought our kids should have been. It can drive us absolutely mad and make us miserable. Accepting things how they are yields peace, particularly because there is so much we can’t change.

Dr. Shefali talks about how understanding our childhood, our parenting, and how we have developed from it, can allow us to do better with our children and understand our behavior. If you are ready to explore how you can be better for your child, check this one out.

You can find it here.

The Self-Driven Child

This book changed my parenting perspective. Here’s a teaser. Most parents are putting a lot of emphasis on a lot of the wrong things. I feel like this book spoke something my soul was trying to tell me.

For the longest time, I thought I could mold and create my children into the people I thought it would be best for them to be. Children really want to please their parents, and so if they believe something is important to you, they will really do their best to make it happen, often to the detriment of their self-worth and needs.

A concept I will forever remember from this book is that you do not own your children.

They don’t belong to you. You don’t have ownership over their life. Your children’s life is their own and they are the ones who are left with the consequences, for good or bad, in their life. It is not fair for us to create a life for them. However, it is essential that parents are always there as loving teachers and supportive guides.

Your kids will mess up, they may not choose the path you believe is best for them. That is okay! In fact, it is better than them killing themselves either figurately or literally, trying to become the child you want or they feel society wants, the expectations of which they may never live up to.

I found this one at the local library, and of course here.

The Collapse of Parenting

Leondard Sax doesn’t pull any punches, even with unpopular ideas. He has a number of books that you should read, but The Collapse of Parenting is a great place to start. Today’s society is leaning more and more towards expecting nothing in terms of behavior or standards from our children, and giving them every adult decision to make, long before they are ready.

This book will rub some people the wrong way.

You may even feel defensive of your position. However, children need structure, guidance, and expectations, not for the world to be handed to them on a platter. When we give our children every choice and expect nothing from them, they are going to be left with a harsh wake-up call when they enter the world on their own.

It’s not easy to go against the grain, to not indulge our children’s every desire, but The Collapse of Parenting makes a good case as to why we should fight the norm in our parenting practices.

You can find it here and on Hoopla for free through your library.

The Five Love Languages

As parents, we put a lot of effort into raising our children. I have no doubt of the love we all have for our children. Sometimes, the places we are putting the effort are misdirected. Reading The Five Love Languages and then identifying the language of love each of your children speaks, will help you to maximize your efforts and show your children that you truly care for and love them.

Of course, if you haven’t also read this book and implemented it with your spouse, that’s a great step to improving your parenting as well.

You can find it here.

The Optimistic Child

This was assigned reading for one of my college courses. That alone tells you the content is going to be a little heavy. It’s not a quick easy read, not necessarily even entertaining all of the time, but it is chock-full of important information to help your children build protective habits for their life.

There has never been a generation of children facing more difficult challenges with depression, discouragement, and despair.

For that reason alone, this is a must-read for any parent. Spoiler alert, it’s not about always keeping things happy and perfect for your children, but for helping them understand how to face discouragement. It provides tools to guide children when things don’t go as planned because they rarely do. Mindset, by Carol Dweck, is another great read to pair with this one.

Find it here or go to college and pay a lot more for them to teach you the things in this book;)

Runner-Up: Hold On to Your Kids

Hold On To Your Kids came at a time when I really needed it. It’s only a runner-up because the writing goes on and on forever. However, the information is essential.

It took me a while to fully embrace the ideas because I grew up in a world where my friends were everything. It was normal and expected. However, looking back, I can see how unhealthy it was for me and that the really good times I look back on in my adolescent years, were more centrally focused on family. Not everything of course, but peers often brought a lot of drama and heartache.

This doesn’t mean friends aren’t important.

They 100% are. Every child should have some good friends. However, friendships should not become consuming. When they do, it is often beneficial to help children take a step back. This is not easy! This is hard, hard stuff, but it is valuable. Pull your children to you instead of pushing them away. It is easy, even expected to push your children away in this world, but in reality, it seems less and less ideal.

We live in an individualist society, so it is VERY easy to justify the push away, and creating distance, especially if our children are bothering us, but it’s not necessarily the best path.

You’ll have to trudge through this one a little to get to the really good parts, but there are some valuable lessons.

You can find it here.

One of the Best Things You Can do as a Parent

Reading and continuing to learn, will only serve your life for the better. There is always more to know, a wider perspective to see. Each of these books has given me information to consider and implement. That doesn’t mean they 100% align with my beliefs all of the time, but learning always helps you to grow, and the best parents are always growing!

Here is another list of books for you to check out.