I’m alone.

In my house, my car, nature.

Ideas flow and I feel strong, capable, insightful, and worthwhile. I can believe I have something to contribute, to create.

So I do. I pour time into it, my heart into it. My vulnerabilities are opened to see what treasures lie there.

And treasures are always found in one form or another.

I share it. I post it. I dare to let it leave the safety of my being.

Then panic attacks me. It is vicious and cruel and hits the most tender targets. The weapon embedded in my insecurities is turned and wrenched. Intent to destroy the peace, the calm and confidence I felt while I was a creator.

Who do you think you are? That’s garbage. You don’t measure up. Pathetic.

The insecurities are careful critics. They share proof.

Look at what they did. Who they are. That’s quality. They are contributors. They matter. They are wise. They are worth celebrating.

People love them. Money loves them. But not you! You have none of that.

You? Well, you are just nothing more than you. You have fears and insecurities. Problems and insufficiencies. You are imperfect.

You are lying to yourself if you think your efforts are worth something. How can you believe your creations matter in the least? You don’t matter.

Then it goes two ways.

I agree. You’re right, I concede.

My creations and my contributions are erased, destroyed, and retracted. It is gone.

I am consigned. My critic knows better, they see the ugly I was about to show the world. With relief, I repress that inner need constantly seeking release. The desire to create. To contribute. I’ll be fine. Here, unknown, in the shadows, I will be safe. The voices leave.

Or

When I’m feeling strong enough, to talk back to the suffocating, life-sucking voices, I push them aside, just long enough to keep sharing. There’s a tiny hole of light showing me they are wrong. I focus on it. I long for it.

I push back at the anxiety that had replaced the air I breathe. I stop and find oxygen, exiling the anxiety, just for a moment.

I consciously fight the inner critic with a logical voice of my own. It is quiet. It even feels like a lie. I know everything the inner critic says is true, I reason, but then repress the thought. Something small and quiet is fighting within me.

It’s so minuscule, so tiny and insufficient but persistent. Strong in its own way. And for a moment, I let this part of me dominate the platform of my thinking. Given only a little space it grows.

It is good. Share it. You are worth getting to know. It pleads. Showing your true self, exposing your inner self has a purpose. It’s a need. You know it and you can feel it. It will guide you to the people with whom there is mutual resonance. Sharing of yourself will help you to find yourself.

It’s uncomfortable. I want to disappear. To take it back. But, I don’t. I leave it.

If I just help, touch or connect with one person, it is worth it. I repeat it again, again. It is worth it. Even as the anxiety threatens to pull me back into hiding. I repeat. Just one person. It is worth it.

Sometimes it does touch just one person. Sometimes more.

Other times the work I extracted from the deepest, most protected, hidden places sits there. Alone. Exposed for all to see. And no one cares.

Ha! I told you the cruel critic exclaims. You are nothing. What you shared is so insignificant, that it’s not worth criticism or acknowledgment.

Even then, I push the voices aside.

I realize it was worth it.

There was one person that needed this–the effort, the struggle. There was someone who needed to see my creation, my effort, my worth.

It was me.

Even if it is only me that is changed, it was worth it. Especially if it is only me. I’m worth it.

I gain acceptance. I connect sometimes with others, sometimes just with myself. I learn from it. Even then, especially then, when it is just me it changes for the better, it was worth it.

Then the moment passes, and the process starts again.

Tips to calm the inner critic and start creating:

1. Practice, practice, practice.

Raw natural talent is largely a myth. Success comes from work, from trying, from doing. If you want to do something, you don’t need to be good at it, you need to be committed to it.

2. Focus on your purpose.

Why are you doing this? When your mean inner critic starts blabbing, remember your why.

3. Self-talk matters.

The things you tell yourself create your reality. When your inner critic comes out, start reframing as fast as you can!

4. Value is relative.

Emmanual Acho was recently on Lewis Howes’s podcast. He talked about being in the Louvre and seeing a huge line. He peeked to see what everyone was waiting to look at. The Mona Lisa. He, probably accurately, suggested if the Mona Lisa was painted today it would have little if any value. It is valuable because individuals hold it as valuable. It was not created with intrinsic value. Even if no one sees the value in your work, it has value to you. That gives it intrinsic value.

5. Don’t stop!

It’s so easy to stop when no one cares, or your work doesn’t go anywhere. No one wants to pay you. No one shares what you put out there. Who cares! Get back up and keep going. This is how you succeed, how you improve, and most importantly how you listen to that voice telling you to keep trying. Take a break if you must, but then get back up and get back at it.

6. Focus on the process not the product

Don’t focus on the end result. Focus on the experience. No matter how it ends, you still keep the value of the process if you don’t deny yourself that privilege.

7. Everyone needs cheerleaders.

If you don’t have any cheerleaders, be your own, but also be others. It will be reciprocated

The people who have made it, who have succeeded. They are people just like you. There’s nothing special about them. Read more about that here.