Major life stressors, such as the pandemic can reek havoc on your mental health causing anxiety to skyrocket. But, you don’t have to be a victim of circumstances or a puppet on the stage of life. Humans have an amazing and essential capacity to adapt and grow through difficult circumstances.

This includes learning how to keep anxiety at a healthy level

Anxiety is good or bad, depending on how it is used.

Anxiety is an important evolutionary tool. It tells us that something is wrong and we need to take action. The stress response puts our bodies on high alert so that we have a greater ability to respond in the face of danger.

Unfortunately, this same tool can become a liability to a healthy life.

When we have unfounded fears or excessively prolonged fears, anxiety is damaging. When we become anxious about things over which we have no control, we lose site of those things we can control.

This can throw us into an obsessive and worried state and we may reach a point where we have very limited control.

There is good news.

You can manage anxiety even when things are tough.

While anxiety can be good and helpful, it sometimes needs to be consciously managed. Fortunately, humans have incredible brains, which, with a little knowledge will help us manage anxiety and our emotional state.

There are some straightforward steps anyone can take.

Though not easy they are absolutely possible.

Click here to learn about one simple step you can take when your anxiety starts to feel out of control.

First, focus on what you can change and take action.

If we repeatedly focus on all that is bad and all we cannot change, it will throw us into a state of chronic anxiety and depression.

Our mind will continually tell our body we are in a threatened state of being. We will have heightened emotional responses–fight. Or our emotional responses will shut down attempting to eliminate feeling, and often result with depression–freeze. Neither response is beneficial for your well being.

It is hard. Sometimes it feels too hard. But, it is essential to let go of the things you cannot change and focus on where you can take action.

We really like to believe we have control. To a large degree we have astonishing control in our lives. We don’t have control over everything though.

If we dwell too long on the things we can’t control, we flood ourselves and shut down or greatly impair our functioning.

Martin Seligman and colleagues termed this idea, learned helplessness. When we feel incapable of change, we learn to believe there is no hope and stop trying. We can reach the point where we stop actively functioning.

If this happens, we will give up our power and let life toss and throw us around wherever it may, believing we can do nothing. The more we believe we have no control, the more life veers out of control. It can quickly move away from what we would like it to be and variables actually do move out of our realm of control.

Accept what is beyond your control. Recognize and mourn the loss. Then move forward.

Moving forward means you identify and then focus on what you can control.

You may not control a job loss. Accepting it and moving forward will allow you to look for new jobs, develop needed skills or start a business. Or you can choose to soak in the devastation.

You get to choose.

When you focus on what you can control, you give anxiety and the need to act a place to work in a healthy way.

All the energy you might use ruminating on loss and pain can be refocused to re-strategizing your life.

When we are forced to change the way we have always done things, we grow. It builds us as individuals. Often, it is out of adversity that the greatest triumphs, skill building and lessons come. If we don’t change where our energy is expended, it will just be a devastating period in our lives.

Examine what you have lost and then determine how that loss can be mitigated.

Second, change your mindset.

Life is a series of unfortunate events or fortunate events. It is dependent upon how you interpret life and where you place your focus. We can view failures and losses in our life as defeat or as a series of opportunities.

The way we frame a situation has an astonishing impact on how we approach and cope with difficulties. When we look towards hardship as growth opportunities our approach will evolve from something disconcerting, defeating and devastating, to motivation not just to survive but to thrive from the struggles in our path.

If this doesn’t come naturally, you will first have to consciously refrain how you think about struggles in your life.

Feeling loss is normal, good even.

Loss becomes dangerous when we allow ourselves to become devastated by it. If we feel the loss has ruined our life or threatens our very being, unregulated and unguarded, it can send us spiraling into a state of deep and eventually uncontrollable and unmanageable depression or anxiety.

Fortunately, thoughts are powerful.

Thoughts are something you can always control with conscious and if you understand how to reframe them.

Changing thoughts, changes perspective. This in turn changes behavioral reactions.

If you believe there is hope, you will act accordingly. If you focus on despair, that is how you will feel and how you will react to situations.

We need look no farther than children’s books to find wisdom on this. The Little Engine that Could succeeded precisely because of internal belief, not because of outstanding circumstances or skills. Pollyanna was happy, because she focused on all that was good, rather than her loss and all that was bad and hard in life.

These examples my seem simplistic, but they are true. Your mind determines your path ahead. Click here to read more about how focusing on one thought at a time can make a big difference.

Thought choice is difficult, but possible.

Yes, we have thoughts and mindsets that come naturally. Our natural tendency can make it harder, but it does not take away our ability to choose our thoughts.

Conscious awareness of thoughts is the essential first step. Thoughts will enter your mind without eliciting them. The way we have learned to interpret situations in the past will reflect in our initial thoughts about any circumstance.

But this can be relearned and changed.

You can do two things.

First, you reframe negative thoughts.

We tend to dwell on the last aspect of our thought. Take the negative thought that automatically enters your mind and add a redirecting statement.

Here are some examples:

“Having all my children at home is so hard.” To reframe this thought, it takes a simple addition, “…but it’s going to be great having this time together.” Or, “…but this is a great chance to teach my children we can do hard things.

“I can’t believe I lost my job.” Simply adding positive ideas and reinforcement at the end changes the entire message we are receiving and provides room to move forward with positive action. “… but, now I can take those classes I have been thinking about.” Or, “… but now is the perfect time to try my hand at the business ideas I’ve had.”

If you find yourself naturally focusing on the negative, catch yourself as often as you can. Then, simply add a “but” statement that is ending with a positive thought.

At first it will be forced. It is hard to challenge your natural thought patterns. The more you practice, the more natural it will become. With enough time and practice it will become automatic.

Second, change your perspective.

Those who continue to thrive during challenges have a different perspective than those who are left devastated.

Do we let difficulty and change fuel us or depress us? As hard as it is to believe, it is up to us.

Do we see change as a loss, or an opportunity? It is both. Our primary view of the situation changes how we move forward and react.

Are difficulties a personal attack or a growth experience? One perspective can be destructive while the other is enlarging.

Do we reach deeper and try harder or let ourselves fall?

There are many things in life you can’t change.

But you can chose how the experience plays out for you on a personal level

As you gain greater control over your thoughts, you will in turn have better regulated emotional and physical responses. This will allow you to thrive in circumstances in which you may previously only survived.