Listen to your heart! It’s a beautiful sentiment, for surely your heart will not lead you astray. We hear it in songs, from motivational speakers, and see it in movies. Certainly, if we are connected with ourselves then our heart will be able to discern our needs and faithfully guide us. Unfortunately, these feel good sentiments do not generally play out as beautifully as they are written in songs and movies.

WHAT IS LISTENING TO YOUR HEART?

Anciently the heart was believed to be at the center of nearly all life functioning, physiologically and psychologically. We now know that the main purpose of the heart is physiological and used to distribute and maintain blood flow throughout our bodies. Listening to your heart, therefore, is more of a metaphor. Listening to your heart is essentially letting your emotions guide you. Emotions are sometimes excellent guides, as with the fight or flight response in which you feel the emotion of fear and your body automatically responds with attempts at self-preservation. This is how a mother is able to lift a car off her child. She doesn’t think, she just responds and likely doesn’t even know how it happened or how she did it.

However, emotions on their own are generally not the best guide for decision making. Emotions lack reasoning ability. While you should consider the “feelings of your heart,” or in other words, the emotions that you have related to a particular situation or decision, you should not blindly follow your heart. Returning to the above example of fear triggering the fight or flight response, the same emotion of fear, unregulated leads to anxiety disorders, panic attacks, increased blood pressure and unnecessary stress. The response to the emotion of fear can kick in when we don’t really need to preserve our lives, and as a result causes unnecessary strain and at times threats to our well-being.

IT’S ESSENTIAL TO NOT ONLY CONSIDER YOUR HEART BUT TO USE YOUR REASONING ABILITY

Let’s look at some other examples of how listening to our emotions may fail us.

Love. Is there any feeling more amazing than falling in love? The world is more beautiful, life is easy and perfect. Non-discretionary falling in love, however, leaves families in pieces, women in abusive situations and can end with feelings of depression and desperation. Yes, even falling in love, we need to return to our reasoning, to use our logic and consider–What are the consequences of this choice (yes, it’s a choice)? What will my life look like with this person? What are his or her weaknesses (because everybody has them)?

Relationships certainly benefit from the presence of positive emotions, but positive emotions do not make a good relationship. Good relationships yield positive lasting emotions and are built through hard work, careful consideration and optimizing your personal strengths.

Happiness. If it makes you happy, you should do it, right? WRONG. You should not do something that makes you happy unless you have first, used your reasoning abilities to weigh the pros and cons of a choice. Perhaps going out partying and drinking, maybe even some drug use, feels euphoric in the moment. However, using your reasoning abilities, you can deduce that feeling sick in the morning, losing control of your behavior and leaving yourself vulnerable to be taken advantage of, will not ultimately lead you to happiness.

On the reverse side, stress and tiredness are certainly not positive emotions, right? Shouldn’t we avoid them? NO! These emotions don’t always feel good, but they can yield amazing results. The hard work, exhaustion and stress that accompanies achieving the degree you set your sights on feels amazing in the end. It feels better because you had to experience those very difficult emotions. A job promotion, parenthood or achieving many worthwhile goals follows this same scenario.

Consider your emotions. They are important. They can be helpful in telling you what you need, but do not let them be the sole guide of your life. Pull in the use of your full faculties as you build the life you want.

There is one magic weapon in making decisions, and it is one that should be used after you have laid out your options, the perceived consequences and fully used your reasoning abilities.

THE MAGIC WEAPON IN EFFECTIVE AND POSITIVE DECISION MAKING

Intuition. Intuition can be described as gaining information, guidance or direction without clear proof or reasoning for a decision or acquisition of knowledge. Intuition is an invaluable tool to use as your guide. Have you ever thought, I just need to call someone, do this thing, or be in this place and it benefited either yourself or someone affected by the situation? This is intuition. It can occur with minimal effort or with great effort. It can be life-saving, life-changing and life-directing. Sometimes you may feel great direction in this manner and sometimes you may feel none, but if you feel it after you have done your due diligence, listen. Preserving your personal well-being through your own choices will also allow intuition to play a greater role in your life.

So, listen to you heart, but don’t listen just to your heart. Use the education and knowledge you have worked so hard for to guide your life and your decisions, and listen to your intuition. This much more complicated and less romantic process will create a more beautiful and positive life.