After my last check-in on my goal to focus, I was pretty sure I was going to have to mark this month down as “I tried it and quit.” It didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere.

But I kept going and proved myself wrong.

Here are five strategies I used that worked.

1. Focus on what you can do–not on what you can’t

There used to be a large real estate sign in a field that I would often drive by. In big, bold letters, it said, “DON’T READ THIS.” Of course, once you see that, you have to explore what else there is to read.

That was how my quest to let go of distractions began.

What? I can’t be on my smartphone?

Okay, I’ll just check once.

Wait, how am I at 50 checks later?

It’s not an exaggeration to say it got worse before it got better. Actually, significantly worse.

I decided what I didn’t want to do, but I didn’t replace that with things I wanted to do.

In Charles Duhigg’s excellent book, The Power of Habit, he talks about how you need to replace bad habits with new ones when the bad habit is triggered. (For those who don’t read, I have a particular friend I’m thinking of, you can watch about that principle here.) There was something that triggered my need to pick up my smartphone–usually the slightest, tiniest indication that there might be a little bit of boredom–or more correctly termed, space or solitude.

Newsflash! You need space and solitude for healthy living. That’s not a bad thing. Allow some for yourself.

Mine was being devoured by the Facebook, Instagram, text messaging, Apple, email gods.

My other trigger was the readily accessible smartphone, almost always on my body. The above-referenced video provides some great ideas on determining what your triggers might be.

Two simple steps helped eliminate my bad habit of grabbing my smartphone.

1. Remove proximity and ease.
2. Replace bad habits with better behavior. My go-to replacement was to open the book I was reading if I felt I HAD to have something to do. A few years ago, I replaced my Kindle Fire with a Kindle Paperwhite, and when I read, I try to do it on the Paperwhite. It makes a difference not having everything one finger stroke away. Sometimes, I just opened my mind and observed the world around me while waiting. It turns out if you look up from your smartphone, there is a whole world that still exists.

So, don’t just tell yourself you can’t. Figure out what you want to do and replace the can’t with what you can do.

It didn’t help in singular moments, but in those larger portions of downtime or space, I had some goals I was pursuing fairly aggressively, and it eliminated some of my time when I felt like, “Uh…? Der….? What should I do with myself?”

This leads to the next item.

2. Focus on high-quality activities

Stop sitting on your smartphone and figure out what you want to do in life. I’ve thought that I would enjoy being a writer for much of my life. Apparently, in my mind, if I sat there and thought about it enough, I imagined someone would magically “discover” me.

Yeah, that doesn’t work. If you want something, you have to put yourself out there.

I got my website back up and running and started writing. This gave me two really important pieces to my puzzle.

1. It pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I have these great ideas, but writing them down in such a permanent way. Wow! That triggered my anxiety big time. It’s one thing to talk about something. Then when you say something stupid, everyone will hopefully forget about it. But to write it down and have people think about and analyze it (if anyone read it, of course). That gave me the heebee-jeeebies. I didn’t like it. It didn’t feel good, but I did it anyway.

2. Practice. It’s a sad fact of life. There is no substitute for practice. It is the only way I have found to improve my skills. Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter how good you are. If you aren’t practicing and engaging in that behavior, you will never be that great.

Focused on writing–I took a couple of online courses, where I learned a lot from people who had practiced writing a lot longer than me. Strange how that works.

Then, I got my first opportunity to do some paid writing.

If you pursue something diligently and with wisdom, you will be rewarded! I truly never thought I would get paid to write.

I will add that being alone, quiet, just sitting, and observing are 100% high-quality activities. Your mind and soul need that space. Don’t underestimate the value of that time.

3. Remove access to your smartphone

I know. I already talked about this. But, it’s worth mentioning again.

Step away from your smartphone! Leave it there!

Take the chance… (gasp)… on being inaccessible for a time.

This past weekend, I left my phone inside, charging almost all day. It was remarkable that we all lived, but we did. My kids had to track me down to talk to me. Josh had to call me on the home phone when we needed a little extra water power for our burn pile.

It was slightly inconvenient. And everyone survived.

When it wasn’t with me. I didn’t miss it one bit. I didn’t have an urge to pull it from my pocket to check the weather again, clean my email or see if the apps I had removed were still gone.

It was out of sight, out of mind.

And yes, it was annoying when I had to go track someone down instead of calling them, but I’m pretty sure the wasted-time-swap on that was well worth it.

I even went on a hike and (gasp) left my smartphone at home. Taking pictures of beautiful things I see is something I really enjoy. I will always do that, but it was nice to go and just look at things instead of thinking the whole time about how it would look in a picture. I didn’t die or get attacked by a mountain lion and no one else did either.

It felt freeing.

I felt truly alone.

It was perfection.

Seriously, if there is something you don’t want in your life or don’t want in your life as much, remove your proximity. It works!

4. Remove access to temptations on your smartphone

After my first discussion on my distraction failures, (my failures are excellent, you can read about them here), a friend commented that I should remove the apps.

Yeah, yeah. I’ve done that. It’s annoying. I always just reinstall them.

Then, I began reading a book another friend recommended, Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. He talks a lot about being intentional in how you use your smartphone as a tool. What role do you want it to play in your life? Strip your smartphone usage down to the absolute bare essentials. What do you really NEED your phone for?

For me, it came down to a very few things, and taking my Facebook and Instagram apps off my smartphone was definitely possible in this new definition of my phone’s purpose in my life.

Yep, I’ve been tempted to reinstall them.

But, I resolved to only use them on my computer. That’s fairly inconvenient, so I haven’t been on either site much at all, and I’ve been busy with other endeavors.

On my computer, I have an app called Newsfeed Eradicator.

Instead of scrolling, scrolling, scrolling I get one nice quote.

Now I’m free to use my Facebook time for whatever I intended to get on there for instead of getting distracted by the cute baby that was just born.

True story–I logged onto Facebook once through my smartphone’s web browser and that is what popped up. It was adorable, and I want to see those things, but I want to do it on my terms, not Facebook’s manipulative marketing terms.

At some point, I will probably set aside some time one day a week to check in with friends and family for an hour. I don’t feel that I’m at a point of sufficient control to do that yet though.

I’ll likely be turning off comments and likes wherever I can because those are my heroine on Facebook. It’s fun to see who has seen my post and if perhaps anyone appreciated the deep thoughts I shared in complete vulnerability.

No! Actually, it’s not fun. It is a deeply manipulated ploy to prey on my very acute need to belong. That same need you feel.

5. Focus on indulging in media that reinforces the things you are feeling the pull to change

You’ve probably heard the idea that you are the average of the people you surround yourself with.

Or,

You should surround yourself with the people you want to be like.

Our surroundings influence our behavior. I’m forcing my children to watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix. (I can’t even tell you how ecstatic they get when I force my self-improvement ideas on them–their eyes start rolling around in their head!) There is a graphic in the documentary where all these computers link to strings leading to this puppet of a person.

Yes, your brain on social media and much of technology is Pinocchio in reverse. We go from thinking human beings, real live people, to puppets being pulled by technological strings.

The things you feed your mind with influence your behavior. The technology companies know this well and are masters at doing it. For them it means money.

For you, it means more than money. It means YOUR LIFE. If you don’t take control of your life, there are a bunch of billion-dollar industries behind your phone screen that are eager, willing, and invested in doing it for you.

Pick the things that encourage the behaviors you want to have.

I’m on a huge minimalist kick.

I just moved into a new house and to say I was overstimulated with purchases for the new house is an understatement. Going into town and trying to decide what we needed, how much to spend and what it would cost was giving me anxiety attacks.

I listened to another book a friend recommended, Cozy Minimalist Home, and it completely validated my desire to not let stuff overrun my life. When I first moved into our new home, I subscribed to all these adorable Instagram feeds and it made me think I needed a truckload of stuff to make my house cute.

Then, I’d look at the images for just a little bit and realize they would never look like that in my home. The dogs would chew on it or wipe mud on it, kids would put it on their heads or stomp it under their feet. I don’t even know what or why they do this, but the adorable decorations that were so nice to look at were SO impractical for my lifestyle.

We had all the essentials, so now, unless I specifically know what I want, where, and why, I don’t buy it.

I created a set of decorating values–is it needed, is it cozy, is it practical. There is no need to buy all these decorations or even have my walls decorated right now (they are pretty bare). I want a few pillows, accessible blankets, candles, nice smelling soaps, things that are easy to clean, and house plants. House plants sound high maintenance, but to me, they add enough value for the time they take. Beyond that, only the bare necessities.

When I do decorate my walls, I want them to have meaning and purpose, to have beautiful reminders of wonderful memories, good thoughts, or fantastic creations instead of slathering them with Hobby Lobby cuteness. (Trust me, I’m tempted).

Do you know what reading that book did?

It gave me permission to accept what I really wanted all along instead of trying to copy what I saw.

I hate cleaning and I hate messes. An adorable table with 5,000 decorations is not for me. It is for some people and if you love that, go for it. Things like that in my living space literally eat away at my mental well-being. That may not be true for you. And if it’s not, I will absolutely enjoy and adore your decorations when I see them, but I refuse to continue feeling like I have to be the same to have a beautiful home for my family and guests.

I was reading Digital Minimalism, the same time an Amish company was working on our barn. I’m halfway on my way to being Amish. I so admire their deliberate use of tools instead of letting tools use them and their life. The Social Dilemma talks about how you are the product. Your soul, your time, your money is being sold to companies through your time on the Internet.

It’s no joke. We are being used and giving our life to these companies.

If you want to have a certain life, find resources that support and encourage that life. It has been a game-changer not just for my choices. It has literally changed the way I feel. My anxiety levels have changed. I have space to accept the things I want in life instead of what some random computer, picture, or tech company is telling me I should want.