Self-esteem has been and is often a key focus in mental health, but it is a concept that is vastly overrated.

Self-esteem refers to the manner in which we esteem our self, how valued and valuable we feel. The problem with self-esteem is that, when talking about it, it has been based far too much on variables we either can’t control or which don’t truly have any impact on who or how valuable we are. For example, a women might believe they will have a higher self-esteem when they reach a certain weight. They reach that weight, and guess what, they don’t feel any better about themselves now that they have a thigh gap. This is because self-esteem, in this instance, was based on something that had nothing to do with the intrinsic value of an individual.

Instead of focusing on self-esteem, focus on:

Self Worth

Self worth refers to the value that you have because you are a living, breathing human being. You are on this earth and therefore you have worth. No matter how bad your life is, how many poor choices you have made, this does not define your worth. At your lowest low, during your greatest failures, you have value, you have immeasurable worth. Your worth is not dependent on your success, what you look like or to who you are connected. Your worth remains regardless of how your life plays out or how you would like it to play. You need not do anything to be of worth.

Like the parable of the dirty and wrinkled $20 bill. No matter how sad and pathetic, how beat up a $20 bill is, it is still worth $20. Likewise, no matter how sad and pathetic you feel, how dirty and wrinkled others may see you, you have inestimable worth. With this worth comes potential that you likely do not even understand. Your worth is not dependent on a scale, a paycheck or social media likes. It remains regardless of your choices, your mistakes, even your feelings about yourself. Like it or not, believe it or not, your life has value, your soul has value and it will remain that way, independent of you.

Self Compassion

Compassion refers to our concern, empathy, kindness, mercy, tenderness, humanity and charity towards a person. The person that we feel all these things for and take related action towards, first and foremost, should be our self.

Often we extend unending kindness towards family, co-workers, strangers even, but show none for ourselves–the person for whom it is most important to have. Self compassion allows us to be okay with making mistakes, not berating our self, forgiving our self. Self compassion allows us to accept our weaknesses and celebrate our strengths. It allows us to know that we are flawed, but that is okay, so is everyone else. When we practice compassion towards ourselves, we will develop love for our self. If we have self compassion, that radiates out beyond us to all those surrounding us. It is a win-win for those we interact with, but especially for our self.

Self Improvement

Following self worth and self compassion is self improvement. When we are able to recognize we have worth and that we are flawed, yet have great potential, we can successfully focus on making meaningful improvements in our life. Whatever our weaknesses are, we can strengthen them. Whatever mistakes we have made, we can do our best to fix them and avoid them in the future. There is and always will be room to make improvements. As we accept where we are at and focus on our potential, our abilities to improve will be magnified.

So forget about self esteem, start believing in your worth, showing kindness to yourself and making changes.