We have this fairly terrible saying in our society, “No Regrets!”

A quick search of inspirational quotes about regret will yield a wealth of material about how you should not have them.   

Marilyn Monroe, who is quoted as saying "Fear is stupid. So are regrets," sadly died of an overdose. Might her path have been different if she had seen regrets in a different light?

However, regrets serve an important purpose, they tell us that there is something we did that looking back, we wish was different. Regret is feeling sad about a situation, repentant about words or behavior, or disappointed in the outcome of an experience. Regret often reflects negative emotions related to an action that we took.

In our society today, we are so averse to negative emotions, that we insist they shouldn’t exist and if they do, society is not teaching that you should remedy the cause of the negative emotion, but teaching the idea that negative emotions are bad and should be banished.

Regrets have an important purpose in human development–they tell us we made a mistake and that it should be fixed.

If we embrace regret we:

accept that we made a mistake

learn from past experiences

can help others learn from our experiences

recognize that just like the rest of the world, we are human

allow ourselves the potential to grow

No regrets:

stunts growth

denies mistakes

removes opportunities to learn

is dishonest

encourages denial of traits or behaviors we need to change in our lives

Embrace regrets in a healthy way

If you truly have no regrets than you have not grown. No regrets means that you are no wiser today than you were 1, 5 or 10 years ago. How sad it would be to live a life where you denied yourself the opportunity to learn and grow because it is hip and free to live with “no regrets.” It is uncomfortable to confront our own weaknesses and much easier to ignore them, which is why “no regrets” is a popular notion.

Regrets are not meant to be persistent and overwhelming. If that is the case you are erring on the opposite side of no regrets by not forgiving yourself and will still not benefit from having regrets. Regrets are inevitable as much as we might like it to be different. Accept that you have regrets and accept that it is okay and then take action to change your future.

Next time you feel that nagging feeling that you wish something had occurred differently, that you had behaved differently or reacted differently, the next time you feel regret:

embrace it

use it to change

learn and grow from it and share that growth and knowledge with others,

and then let it go.

Don’t be afraid to say, “I wish I would have…” but also say, “and because of that, now I’m going to…”